Thoughts
Other people just don't feel real. I think it's because I've spent so much time online, my conception of what it means to be a real person,
what thoughts and feelings you have
no that's not it.
(Oh yeah side note, almost any time that I end a line without punctuation, I haven't forgotten punctuation, I'm indicating that I'm cutting myself off, stopping that train of thought. I use it in several places, including the About page. The exception is of course when I hit the character limit on the first line and move to the second like nothing happened.)
A fair amount of it is that I'm bad at talking. So I end up listening more than interacting with people—which is fine on Twitter, but does feel fake in real life.
I want conversations to move quickly and feel fluid. But I think slowly. That's why I actually enjoy talking to some people. When I'm talking to some people, I can keep the conversation on topics that I'm very comfortable talking about. Common ground like past shared experiences or programming or a specific kind of fluff. But that's like it. That's the limit of what I can talk quickly about.
I think it just takes time, with new people, for me to loosen up. To learn what things they're going to react positively or negatively towards. And right now I have no one in that sweet spot.