Thoughts
“Do you know what I mean, when I say I don't want to be alone”
-Work, Jars of Clay
“I have no fear of drowning, it’s the breathing that’s taking all the work”
Today after making the post about persistent tightness in my chest I wondered if I could stop breathing, just kill myself by holding my breath.
There are many times when I don’t want to go to church because I want to stay in my pajamas until 3pm.
On those days, I attempt to cajole myself into going by reminding myself that the structure of putting on formal clothes and sitting still and listening to someone talk and singing with other people is good. And while, even at my most atheistic, I believe that those things are good, those things may not be good reasons to go to church. That is, going to church in order to participate in a live music concert is not a good reason to go to church and you will likely be disappointed.
Which is interesting because it’s counter intuitive. Surely if live music is good and belief in God is neutral, then going to church for the music is good. But then you end up as BSN I guess.
I really do spend a lot of time breathing shallowly with a sort of tightness from my lungs to my head. I call it "hating myself" but there's
a physical aspect too. Like it just sucks.
The crazy thing about Edge is how it's continuous. Consistency is one of the biggest contributors to Edge.
Clown designs are so fricking sick because the base jester/clown form is so chaotic that you can go a million different ways with it.
This post is about the Batman villain the Joker (even the different forms that character has taken in my lifetime), but it's mostly about the Minecraft YouTuber ClownPierce. (art by birdonaplatter.tumblr.com)
After my whole anti-rationalist depressive spiral it's interesting to look back at writing and reading of my own from years ago that makes
surrealist arguments. What's the difference between being a surrealist and being anti-rational?
Also I didn't post about this but there was a comment a couple days ago about how interpreted languages have only linear performance costs.
(Implying that compiled languages aren't worth using because they don't provide faster-than-linear speedups.)
Which is super super interesting because it's so obviously wrong in the sense that the linear
difference between Ruby and Zig is very frequently 1,000x and it turns out that linear differences of even 10x are significant in real world applications.
But there's also an argument that it's insightful because there are applications that don't care about linear performance where Ruby is used.
I used to be in the "linear performance doesn't matter" camp, but I didn't understand just how significant the performance differences can be.
I missed this originally, but it's crazy that bun is a faster bundler than esbuild (within error bounds)
> The main goal of the esbuild bundler project is to bring about a new era of build tool performance
- esbuild.github.io/
Talk about success.
Also:
> Go can be lightning fast, but only if you leave idiomatic Go behind.
https://avittig.medium.com/golangs-big-miss-on-memory-arenas-f1375524cc90
What excites me about Zig is how close performant code and idiomatic code are.
I've written all of three lines of scarpet and all of my sympathy for its lack of adoption has vanished.
Matthias's programming language of the day is Scarpet, a language developed by Gnembon as a scripting language for Minecraft.
"A hacker is someone who understands how the world works."
"it is about using that knowledge to bring about the change you want to see."
I don't know if this is real or not, but it does kind of seems like AI represents a gap in tech between what makes money and what's
interesting which hasn't existed before.
Someone at formerly at Bun left, in part because of forced-AI culture, preceding Bun's acquisition by an AI company for a lot of money.
To put it succinctly, I am at the point in my life where I have THE MOST freedom and control over my life. There is very little about my
life that I cannot change and there is very little about my life that I have thought to change which I have not changed. My life and my ideal imagined version of my life are very similar in a large number of material facets.
But I'm still unhappy. And I don't have any other ideas for what to change.
So I think that's where my feeling of hopelessness comes from. I can imagine a lot that that's different from this, but it's hard to imagine much better.
I've been using Zed for a while, but sometimes I just want to write some complex code without every line being underlined, you know?
I just feel like I’ve ruined my life because I care about stuff like JavaScript that everyone else is determined to hate.
I mean, it's obvious, but it's also funny how behaviors are associated with status and roles are social inventions.
Reading Claude Code code review but shaking my head so the other people on the subway know I don't put any stake in LLM output.