Thoughts
I’ve thought before, maybe I didn’t post it, about how I love to use the test of “am I the type of person who does X?"
“Want?” and ”should?” questions are harder to answer, often, and can give inconsistent answers. But I have a decently strong sense of identity and I can use that carry some of the weight, if you will, of deciding my morality or my opinion.
The problem is that when I am trying to be or want to be someone that isn’t realistic it affects not just my instantaneous mood but my identity.
I was planning on speaking at an event, 6 years ago now. And if you asked me if I wanted to do it, I would have said “sure.” But I wasn’t going to do it for the fun of it. I felt like I was type of person who should speak at the event. And so when they didn’t include my speech in the final schedule for the event, I felt slighted, sure, and I was bummed, sure, but I’m sad thinking about it now 6 years later because I felt personally attacked. It was a blow to my pride and to my sense of identity.