Thoughts
I just can’t do it. I’m just so hard on myself and I’m convinced that everyone else hates me more than I hate myself.
I can’t fricking handle it. If I workout I’m vain and I’m a jock. If I don’t eat dinner every night I have an eating disorder. If I eat unhealthy meals some nights I’m a glutton. If I don’t work out then I’m out of shape and fat. I just don’t know. I’ve never worried about my image this much before and now I’m fricking going insane. I can’t take it. I’m just so bored and there aren’t any goals in my life. I have no friends. And everyone else hates me more than I hate myself.
If I don’t ask about people’s personal lives than I’m detached and phyociopatic but I do ask about people’s personal lives I’m a creep. And I can’t even be like “oh no one thinks you’re a creep” because 1) I think I’m a creep and 2) people would think I was a creep.
Edit: yeah. I need to go to sleep. I’m just so angry and I have nothing to be angry at because being angry is morally wrong always (fact check: Jesus temple). I wish God would eat me and replace me with a perfect person.
I used to not have code friends and then I had code friends but no personal friends but I judged the code friends for not being personal enough and I judged the personal friends for not being code enough and now I have no friends. I don’t know, I don’t do imperfect people. You must be perfect to be my friend but that’s hypocritical so I must become perfect myself and then I can join with perfect friend club with all the other perfect friends. :D