Thoughts
If you had asked me in my last years of school what I was stressed about, if there’s anything that was bothering me, I think I probably
would’ve said that there wasn’t; that I didn’t know why I was stressed; that everything in my life was fine. And that’s because thinking about homework and the things that I had to do was so stressful that I avoided doing it. If I started to think about it, I would open YouTube and watch four hours of Minecraft videos until it was far from my mind. And if you had asked me if I was afraid of doing homework, I would’ve said “no, that’s absurd”, and I wasn’t afraid of doing homework. But I was afraid of thinking about doing homework, because thinking about it brought so much shame and guilt and stress and frustration. I can now recognize that feeling of “fear of thinking about the thing.” But man it’s still hard. I want to cry.
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