Thoughts
My problem is that I'm trying to meet God's standard and the world's standard. Ever since I was young, that's been the vision.
I wanted perfect grades without cheating. I wanted to be a Christian Steve Jobs. But it's just not possible, not because they're incompatible, but because the world's standard is nonsensical, self-contradictory, unhealthy garbage.
That's why I look like a good Christian in individual categories, but I don't look that much like a Christian taking my life as a whole—I have all the pieces there but I also have some other things that aren't supposed to be there.
The issue is that they're so closely intertwined in my head that I don't know how to separate them.